Faith

It's old news that I'm sick. That in November I was diagnosed with a rare disease (I say it because I can, and not a lot of people can say that, you know). It's old news that I don't feel good much of the time, tired and in pain, and spend many of my days in bed.

What's not old news is how awfully sad I've been in the last month. I started to feel sorry for myself, especially because it seemed as if nothing was going right. We had some huge pit falls in a short few weeks, and I threw a temper tantrum. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I asked "Why me?". I began a downward spiral with a bad attitude. I didn't care about my testimony. I doubted my deep knowledge that doing good brings good things. I always talk about karma at my house, always. (But I'm a good person, and I do good things, and good things aren't really happening.) So I started smack talking karma, lol. "Doing good things doesn't matter" I would mumble. One grouchy morning, I was talking to myself out loud "Why is life so complicated?". A little voice from the back seat of my van answered "Because it's a test, mom?!". Silly mom.

So, there you have it. I murmured. A lot. I frowned. A lot. I didn't try to be the person I am supposed to be. At all.

Fast foward a few weeks. There was a knock at my door. My sweet friend brought me bread. I invited her in, and when she sat down I asked "are you making the rounds, delivering bread?". "No." She looked at me and pretty seriously said "I had a dream about you, and you should know that I don't dream about people unless they're important to me. I'm supposed to come tell you that God loves you". Humbling, so humbling. I cried. She cried. We both appreciated the experience so much.

Today at church, a sweet sister saw me from a distance, looked at me and said "I need to talk to you!". We managed to find a quiet moment in the hall at church. She looked at me and said "I've been thinking about you, a lot. Are you okay? You have been on my mind so much I even fasted for you". Once again, humbled, I cried. She cried.

I feel so blessed. I feel like I've heard from Heaven first hand, that God lives, and He loves me. That He KNOWS I'm here, and He's aware of my turmoil. Geez, I feel like a spoiled brat. I hope I can work really hard and try to make up for my temper tantrum. I hope that I can bless someone elses life the way these two sweet sisters blessed mine. They have no idea how much their faith has blessed and will continue to bless my life. Can you imagine, she FASTED for me, for ME. I stand all amazed. Pretty amazing, huh?