I take it back. I don't want to wish away the next three months of my life and fast forward to 41 years old. I changed my mind.

3 Weeks ago I was walking in my hallway. It's tile. Hard tile. I wasn't wearing shoes. I felt a stabbing pain that brought me to my knees. Thinking it was a piece of glass that I must have missed from my broken bowl accident the previous day, I searched my foot for the culprit. Nothing. It still hurt. Weird.

It was a good thing I picked up a pair of Skechers Shape Ups. I actually bought them to sell, but when I tried them on I LOVED the cushiness and had to HAVE them. Our tile floor kicks my booty, and it's just lovely to switch into these shoes at the end of the day. Those funny looking shoes became a necessity for the next couple of weeks. The weird thing was that the pain was transient. Everyday it was in a new spot. Toe, ankle, wrist, arch, etc.

I read on the Internet of all the horrible things that I could have. I settled on the less scary B12 deficiency. A malabsorption problem stemming from my wheat allergy. It made total sense. I learned that B12 stores can only be replenished by injections. So off the the doctor I went.

He walked into the exam room. I educated him. I politely requested a plan of B12 shots. He smiled. He agreed. But, "only if we run a few tests". He would be remiss if we missed something. I agreed. I mumbled about it on the way out.

Two days later my phone rang. It was his office. "Finally", I thought, "I can start to feel better, and not NEED the funny shoes".

It's all a little blurry. But I'll still need the shoes. I don't need B12. I'm pretty special, I found out. I'm 1 in 100,000. Probably even more since my disease has 15 subcategories. I'm pretty dang special.

You see, my immune system is attacking my blood vessels as if they are bad guys. My blood vessels are under attack. I'm the enemy. They tell me it's incurable. They say I'll need steroids and immune suppressants. I don't want either. One will make me puff up like a puffer fish and eat my bones, the other will leave me open to infections and illnesses.

I have an appointment with a specialist.... in THREE months. I'm okay with that. See, it gives me three months to kick it's ass. I need to rewire my brain, and train it to stop attacking the good guys. I need to stop this inner conflict. I'll do it. Just wait and see. I'll go into my appointment on the last day in February and they will say "what are you doing here, there's nothing wrong with you".